How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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