Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
