Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize