It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
