A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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