I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
