I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im holly from the hills drunk
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
