He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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