piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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