i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
