wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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