if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
