I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
