We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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