I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
