In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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