I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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