boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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