This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i now understand why vodka
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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