She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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