I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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