Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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