i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
