it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
