Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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