she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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