dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
