He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
