you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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