dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
