How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
