I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
