I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
