Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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