yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
