Soap is not a condiment
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
