these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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