Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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