I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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