Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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