Im at strip club and am horny
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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