I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
