If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
