I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
