I hate your face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
