I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
