i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
