I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
