She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
