my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize