I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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