So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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