We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
