Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
