Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
