He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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