So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
