Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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