her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
