I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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