I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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