He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
