It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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