I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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