there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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