if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
