marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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