i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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